📝 Some thoughts on masculinity for International Men's Day 2024
A word to my fellow guys, bros and geezers.
We have a gender role problem. Specifically, I think men have a freedom problem. Let me explain.
I think one of the core emotional needs for most men is freedom. Not being held down, going where you please, doing the things that you feel like you want to do, saying the things you want to say. There's a reason men are so fond of stuff like sports and cars and podcasting; It gives them freedom. Whether that means to go where you want, say whatever you want, or be loud and obnoxious for a while to let out some of the pent up emotions that we for some reason don't want to talk about or acknowledge.
The right has always been very good at exploiting this masculine need for their own benefit, but seem to have gained a substantial amount of ground in the past decade. The problem is that their proposed solution has been to leave community, solidarity, and empathy behind in favor of extreme individualism, xenophobia, and a relentless pursuit of material wealth. This is of course not doing young men any favors. Instead of becoming developed and emotionally mature human beings, they will just end up as easily manipulated cogs in the capitalist machine while alienating and hurting the people around them.
Here's the thing guys; that traditional male role model that the right is peddling is holding you back. Being cold, distant, shallow, superficial, fearsome... These aren't qualities that you should internalize if you also want to be emotionally and mentally healthy. Idolizing this false idea of the lone "alpha" is collectively breaking men down, and keeping us down. It's a self-imposed mental cage. Going to the gym to get bigger is all well and good, but muscles won't help you keep that special woman in your life longer (unless you intend to physically restrain her, in which case, what the fuck is wrong with you?).
Some of you may think it's a good thing to be able to survive all by yourself out in the woods for the rest of your life, but why would you want to? Other people are what make life worth living. Without our relationships, what do we really have left to bring actual joy and happiness to our lives?
By now I'm sure you're sick of hearing the term "toxic masculinity", but we can't really move on from that term until we all collectively understand what it means.
Masculinity itself is not toxic, but some personality traits traditionally associated with masculinity are. They act like poison for your relationships and your mental health, slowly withering it all away, and you end up as a bitter lonely person whose only joy in life comes from bringing others down.
If you want freedom, and you don't want to be alone, you need to break free of this outdated gender role that these other men are trying to impose on you. It's hurting you. Have the courage to start gaining respect from your peers through love and not fear. I promise you; Anyone who is telling you it's better to be feared than loved - either explicitly or implicitly - does not have your best interest at heart. They wanna keep you inside that little box labelled "MAN" so that you stay contained and don't question the oppressive structures that they've built around you.
I'm not here to tell you what a man is. I believe every man has the right to define that for themselves. In fact, not caring what other men think of your manhood is kind of the point of this whole post. But - as men - let's get back to building others up instead of tearing them down. Because you don't get bigger by making everyone else smaller.